Till Death Do I Part
by knightflyer16
Summary: Roxy's extreme passion for Jack Sparrow will never pay off.  i promise i keep at least jack in true character, and the lovesick teen is vanquished! mwuahahahaha


**Disclaimer: **I do not own pirates of the caribbean, but I do own Roxy and Puma, so back off! Oh and me no own Austin Powers, savy?

And the lightning part comes from Phantomrose23, "under the weather" an incredibly funny parody, you should really go and read it after you read this one! And all of our parodys! Twill stop now. Enjoy

"What the? What is that thing?" Puma asked me, pointing at the strange vortex.

"An exact replica of Dr. Evil's time machine, of course." I replied matter of factly. We had only watch the Austin Powers movie a thousand times.

"Where did you get it?" A predictable question, and I had a predictable answer.

"E-bay."

"Oh. Does it do anything...special." Puma stared at the machine and her eyes glimmered with a look of longing. It could well have been lust, I'm not entirely sure.

"Oh yes, I talked to the previous owner on the phone, he lived on Candy Mountain..." Puma's eyes shot around to look at me, a bewildered look on her face. "I know, I didn't think it existed either, but it does, and this guy told me he got something delicious every night. It sounds rather nice actually." (Don't I talk funny? Maybe its just me.)

"Right...what is it supposed to do again?" A skepitcal look filled my friends eyes.

"The guy said that it will transport you to a world created from your favorite movie." Puma's eyes filled with lust again.

"Lets try it."

"He also said only one person can go at a time, but we can end up in the same place." Puma only nodded and gazed at the teleporter. "I have to get dressed first." I quickly pulled on what I thought would be appropriate for where I wanted to go, but Puma gave me funny looks, which probably meant that it was a no go, but whatever.

"Lets see, I think you hit this button to turn it on." I hit a large red button and the black and white swirl began to spin, mesmerizing both of us.

"Rox...Roxy...I ...want to jump in." Her voice was empty of emotion, but then again so was mine.

"Me too." Suddenly we both snapped out of it and stumbled forward. We were pretty cramped in my small room with a giant vortex. "I'm first." With that I jumped into the circle of mystery. My room and Puma were out of sight in less than a second. My body felt like it was being sucked through a straw and I was spinning uncontrollably. Just when I thought I would vomit, I felt sand under my cheek. I was laying on a sandy beach (it could have been rocky, I had to clarify that) and a crab was gnawing on my bootless foot.

"Ow...Owa!" I flung the crab off my foot and snatched my brown fuzzy boot out of the sand. Somehow it had fallen off. As I stood I examined my surroundings. Not thirty feet off was the man I had been seeking. Captain Jack Sparrow was striding across the beach towards the city of Tortuga. I immediately began to follow, wanting badly to catch up to the pirate of my dreams.

He walked into a bar once we had entered the city, avoiding drunken sailors as he passed. Everyone around me was giving me the oddest looks. Several of the women laughed at me as they went along in their overly tight corsets and low cut dresses. I made my embark quickly into the bar Jack had, trying to escape the new world of...oldness? Sorry I can't think of a word. He was sitting by himself with already half his mug of rum gone down the hatch. I caught his eye, because frankly, I could catch anyone's eye in the outfit I was in.

He stared at me with a confused and disgusted look on his face. I was shaking and trying not to wet my pants in my excitement. "Hi." I said rather quickly waving my hand up and down once nearly as fast. His grimy hand curled tightly around his glass of rum and he took another big swallow. As he set the mug down with a bang on the wood he leaned over the table towards me.

"And who are you?" He asked with and air of nobility.

"Roxy." I said with a big smile.

"Uh huh. And what exactly are you wearing?" Of course I was wearing the closest items of clothing I had in my closet that were pirate related which included: my lime green pajama pants with purple polka dots, fuzzy brown boots, my 'I love pirates' shirt, three belts (one sparkly with stars, one sky blue, and the last you don't wanna know), a purple bandanna on my head and a plastic toy ninja sword fastened to my waste. Don't I sound just fashionable?

"Clothes." I answered cheerily. He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

"Those are clothes? Never mind, what is your reason for presenting yourself in front of me, Ronda?" I hadn't thought about this and my brain went to overload.

"I LIKE PEANUTS!" I shouted uncontrollably. I clamped my hand over my mouth and rushed out of the door in embarrassment. I didn't even take a second look at Jack. I kept walking straight until I ended up in another bar. This one was less crowded and I sat down on one of the tall stools. The bartender eyed me suspiciously and proceeded to shove a dirty wash cloth into a dirty glass to attempt to clean it. He then walked cautiously over to my end of the bar and became recognizable as Mr. Gibbs.

"You know, it is bad luck to were purple." He muttered to me, without stopping the wash of his glass.

"I'm not wearing purple. These aren't clothes, Jack said so." I was stuck in a weird trance.

"Jack? You don't mean Jack Sparrow do ya?" I nodded blankly. "Aw, its bad luck to know im. Whaddya need?" He slipped some rum into his mouth as I stared at the wall.

"Clothes. And rum, I want some rum." I finally was coming to my senses and I definitely wanted some rum, I'm only fifteen baby. Gibbs slid a glass of rum to me and I stared at the light colored liquid. _To drink? Or not to drink? _Drink, definitely. I took a large gulp and about fell out of my chair. But the rum slithered down my throat as smooth as silk. Gibbs grinned and pointed into a corner.

"You see that man over there?" I could barely make out what he was pointing to, a slumped over man with flies buzzing around his face. I nodded. "I believe he's dead, you can have his clothes." I stared at Gibbs cross eyed. He stared back at me as if taking clothes off a dead body was perfectly normal.

"Isn't bad luck to rob the dead?" I asked with a slur. I had only had one gulp for Pete's sake, but I wanted to be wasted. Gibbs contemplated this.

"Not if they died in a bar." I was sure he just made this up. I took another swig of rum, actually draining the glass. It looked incredibly big, but I think it was no larger than a couple of shot glasses. I stood wobbling and stumbled over to the dead man. I poked him in the chest and nothing happened. As I touched his hat his grey hand shot up and latched on to my arm. I was mildly surprised by this and fell over on my butt, hat in hand. The man who was indisputably not dead shook his head and looked at me. Before he stood he snatched his hand out of my hand and grumbled something about flying pink giraffes that are only huntable on Tuesdays. I watched him leave the bar before getting on my knees. Slowly I crawled back to the stool I had departed. Gibbs seemed to be hiding a chuckle.

"Very funny. Another please." Gibbs let out his chuckle and gave me another drink. As I swung my head back to down the liquid, I realized that it was not rum, but something much stronger. Prior to freaking out, I fainted and fell off the stool to the floor.

"She's waking up!" A familiar voice from above me shouted. It sounded as loud as a heard of galloping elephants. It hurt my head and I squinted my eyes. I could hear more feet coming towards me, apparently running across wood.

"Finally, she's been out for days." Another voice spoke. I opened my eyes to see Elizabeth kneeling over me. Screaming I scrambled backwards away from her only to run into the legs of another pirate, this one Pintel. He grabbed hold of me before I could run away and I saw that Elizabeth looked angry.

"Who are you?" She asked walking over to me. I only glared at her and spat at her feet. Pintel hauled me up off the deck and I found that I was shorter than Elizabeth. Drat it. One thing good about this situation was that I had on proper pirate attire, but I didn't know who had managed to dress me. Elizabeth huffed and gritted her teeth. "Its another fangirl, make her walk the plank." Evidently more than one girl had made it through the teleporter.

"No wait! I'm looking for someone!" Pintel and another pirate stopped in their shoving and Elizabeth drew nearer to me.

"Who?" She asked blankly.

"Davy Jones." There was a gasp throughout the crowd. Elizabeth smirked.

"Davy Jones is dead, I'm afraid." Of course he was dead, how could I forget.

"Well then, William Turner it is then. Let me talk to him." This time Elizabeth looked defeated and turned away.

"How do you know that he is the new Davy Jones?"

"The movies, duh." She looked at me confused. Right, we were in a world where Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp didn't exist. sighs. "Never mind, I just know okay."

"Tell me who you are and I will take you to him."

"Your worst night...I mean Roxy." I replied rather feisty.

"Tell me what a movie is and I will take you to him." She glared at me. I quickly thought up a snide response.

"A movie is a theatrical production, in which there is a story line, plot, characters, blah, blah, blah. The movie I happened to see that gave me such information on your life was called Pirates of the Caribbean. Although they got your character totally wrong. They cast someone who was fat, ugly, and old with a little balding spot on top of her head." Elizabeth's bottom jaw hung idly below her top. "Millions of people watched it. OH! And Will was to die for. In the movie he never really loves you, and Jack shoots you in the end to make things happier. Then Jack is struck by LIGHTENING!" Elizabeth stared at me and then turned away. _Damn, the lightening didn't work. _

"Happy?" I asked her. She turned back to me suddenly and in a most dramatic way said the following:

"Throw her in the brig." Pintel and another pirate began jostling me once again, but this time I fought harder.

"No you must take me to Will! I have to see him! It is the only way this can end!" Elizabeth appeared not to hear me in the least and only gave me a devious grin. The pirates were having a difficult time keeping me in their grasps and then everything went black once again.

please review! Much appreciated!

Xoxo


End file.
